my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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