the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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