eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i believe in u and ur pee
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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