Betty ford says i'm here all night
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
