shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
