all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
