none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
