All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
