That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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