And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
