Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
