you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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