So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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