Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
