Capitaan dildo arrescate!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
