two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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