oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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