i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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