Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Blood and glitter go together right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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