drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
