Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
