There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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