I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
