Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think your dad took our porno
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
