I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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