Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
