I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
