well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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