Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
