a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
