ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
