you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
