Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
