note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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