I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
