sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
