This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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