I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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