We named our party play list daddy issues
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
