And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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