I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
a search helicopter?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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