are you still at the devil's house?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
