You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
