Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
