we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
