are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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