he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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