I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The power of my boobs compel you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
