So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
