it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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