is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
