Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Four minutes until I can fart!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
