dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
