Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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