I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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